THE INTERVIEW

Hey Soll Food follower, its Thomas, Tasha’s funny, smart, sexy, suave boyfriend! ;-)  Tasha was gracious enough to let me be a guest blogger so that I can share a hilarious moment I had last week at work!  This is officially my first and only blog!  So thank you Tasha and thanks to all of you for supporting Tasha’s crack habit…err, blog.  J

One of my roles and responsibilities at the engineering firm I work is to interview candidates for new positions in our engineering department.  I’ve been interviewing for probably 6 years or more and I’ve seen some good interviews and I’ve seen some bad ones.  But the guy I interviewed last week topped all the bad ones…by far!  To protect the innocent and stupid, we’ll call him Frank.

Frank arrives, we meet, shake hands and go into the conference room for the interview.  The interview begins.

“So, Frank, how’s your day going?”  Normally everyone nails the first question of the interview!  Its really hard to screw this one up.

His answer, after a brief pause, “Not so good…” 

Wrong answer!  Obviously this guy didn’t read our website.  We’re engineers not psychiatrists!

Moving on, “so you’re interning at the City of Los Angeles?”  That’s what it says on his application AND resume.

Another brief pause, “Uh…”, another pause, “…umm, yeah.  I walked into their office and said I’d volunteer.”

Wait…you walked into city hall for a small town called Los Angeles and told them you’d volunteer?  This guy’s a go-getter!  So my boss jumps in, “Oh, so you’re a volunteer.  How many hours do you volunteer a week?  8?  30?”

Frank seems totally confused by this question.  How do I know this, you ask?!  The expression on my face below is the same look on his face at this point!  He had this confused or disheveled look during the entire interview!  I seriously think he took the bus through Santa Ana on his way to the interview and saw things a man should never see. 

“Uhh…yeah”, he says.  His answer confirmed my thoughts!  There was a total of three questions asked…probably three too many for him!

It should be noted that we were asking questions in English.  Good English, not the English you hear on the streets of LA or on one of those Kardashian reality shows where every other word is “like” or “you know”.

Ok, so it’s obvious this guy is five beers short of a six pack, so we decide to go easy on him.  Frank listed on his resume that he was 3 credits short of graduating but because of a lack of funds, he hadn’t finished his schooling.  We’ll give him an opportunity to earn some sympathy points with our next few questions.

“So Frank, you’re going to school at CSULB?  It says here that-”, bam, he cuts me off!

“No, no, no, I haven’t gone to school in, like, a while.  It’s been, like, a year or more since I, like, had classes last.”  Oh, I see, he watches Keeping Up With The Kardashians!

Apparently this guy thinks we frown upon those that attend a higher learning institution.  Wrong answer again!  Let’s chat more about his school since its apparent it’s his only real experience aside from “volunteering”.

“What courses have you taken at CSULB?”

“Umm…well there was a geotech course, umm, structural engineering, umm, math and physics and umm…you know, the courses you would take if you were studying engineering.”   Oh yeah, those courses!  I’m an idiot for asking!

The next question is a softball and all he has to do is hit it outta the park!

“Math and physics classes, I see.  So do you excel at math and physics?”

“Umm…”, another long pause, “…I wouldn’t say I excel.  I’d say I’m more like average.  Umm..”  I swear to God this is his exact quote!  At this point I thought he was going to continue talking but then he just stopped and stared at us.  WTF?!?  Who goes into an interview and tells the interviewer, no, I kinda suck at this but you should still hire me anyway!  Seriously!  It’s at this point I’m really trying hard not to laugh!!  My boss begins to smile too, obviously holding back laughter!

“So what got you interested in civil engineering”, we ask.

“Umm…well…”, another long pause.  Then he decides maybe he should just stop talking!  Now there’s an awkward long silence and no one really knows whose turn it is to talk.  Is he going to finish?!  WTF?!

“Did you know anyone in engineering or do you like the physics”, my boss finally asks, trying to pry an answer out of him.

“Well, umm, we had these two guys come to our school and talk about engineering when I was at the community college…”  He stops again in mid-sentence!!   Holy cow this guy is a gem!

So my boss decides to make up answers for him!  “Oh, so you heard two people talk about engineering and you thought it might be something you enjoy?”

His response to my boss’s answer:  “Kind of, yeah. I saw online that there’s Professional Engineers (PE) and Geotechnical Engineers. I think being a Geotechnical Engineer might be too hard for me but I might want to be a PE.”  Putting together a complete sentence is too hard for you!!  Holy sh*t!!  This guy is incredible!

We end the interview by giving him the opportunity to ask questions about the company.  Typically most candidates check out our website to see what we do.  Frank admits that he “sort of” checked out our website!  My boss subtly tells him to keep “working” at the City of Los Angeles for the experience; we wish him luck, tell him we’ll be in contact with him and send him on his way.

I wish I could’ve taken a picture of this guy to add with the blog!  My impression above will have to do!  By far, the worst interview I’ve ever sat through.  We rank each candidate after the interview and Frank earned himself a whooping zero out of ten!

If you can come away with anything from this blog entry, come away with this: if you’re interviewing and someone asks you if you excel at something, even if you don’t, lie to them and say you freakin’ rock at it!  Also, don’t look like this during the interview: